Sunday, October 10, 2010
I have an odd thing with anger. I can get so angry with the stupidest thing, yet when something major comes along, instead of being mad, I'll be sad or disappointed first usually.
For example, I'm playing a video game, something doesn't go quite... favorable (see the Brawl comic in a previous entry for a GREAT example). I'll get pissed off, slam my fist down on something, squeeze the controller tighter than I should, stomp my foot, and so on. Yet, let's say a friend says, "Hey bro, wanna hang out today? I'll text you a location when I know where we going..." I get ready to go out, friends that invited me elsewhere I turn down cause this friend invited me.... and they never get back to me. Instead of feeling pissed off with my friend, I'll first feel like shit cause I turned down someone else, or that I chose a bad person; sad or disappointed. I won't get angry until they contact me or I contact them at a later time.
I know that last example has a few holes in it, but just take it at face value if you don't mind. The point is I find it fascinating how I am more likely to get angry over something trivial rather than something that could matter. There's also different ways on how I deal with my anger. When I get angry at a video game or so angry I could break something, I choose to work out my anger with exercises. Grab a few dumbbells and punch the air as hard and fast I can, do push ups or sit ups until the anger is gone or I just can't do anything anymore. It really does help some and a good way to give myself some exercise as I figure. Usually if I am really angry, I am able to work the anger out by the time I get tired or sore. I figure since I am so mad and have the energy to waste being mad, may as well put it toward something productive.
Unfortunately, exercise isn't always a good way to get rid of anger, such as if I am in a public place. I'm not going to drop and do push ups when someone pissed me off, or punch the air like a crazy person. This doesn't happen as often to me, but usually I then vent my anger in my head by imagining choking said person or breaking something really fragile. This does not help as much as exercise, but it's all I can do without calling too much attention to myself.
I have tried the "count to ten" methods for cooling off a hot head, but honestly, that just pisses me off more! Counting just holds it in, and I've learned it's best not to hold in your anger. Doing so usually makes me resent people for stupid reasons. "Ugh, look at Jake! Stupid son of a bitch didn't apologize for stepping on my foot! What a fucker!" Retarded, right? My mind will do that though from time to time, even when I know it's retarded, but telling myself that ends up pissing me off more for letting something so stupid get to me.
I can't let go of the past too well either. I DO hold grudges on people, and I DO go for revenge when I am able to. For example, in the game I mentioned a few times, Archipelago Remastered on BYOND, I continually make sure to get revenge on anyone who betrays me or wrong me. I even go so far as to make some people quit because they have wronged me. Petty? Extremely. Will I stop? Probably not until I stop getting interested in the game.
What happened was I was still rather new to the game and didn't realize all the functions of the game. I had worked hard on becoming a blacksmith instead of training on my building skill. The better building skill you have, the more sturdy your walls are which means the less chance invaders have to steal your home. Someone invaded while I was home, so I tried to fight them off, but died. They then proceeded to board up my home and steal everything I had. It was a group of three people that did this injustice to me. I started over and found another island of my own. This time, I was focusing on my defenses, but 2 days after finding my new home, someone took it over, boarded up the place so I couldn't even get out without killing myself, and of coursed mocked me. I wasn't going to take it anymore though! I waited till none of the three were logged in, and filled their home up with so many walls and buildings that it would take them forever to tear it down. I then joined another server of he game, to which then they joined and demanded I tear everything down or they were going to make my life miserable. Hahaha! They never were able to make good on their threat, and I even eventually was able to take over most of the land on that original server, to which they complained and cried about. I also followed the leader of that group on every server he played to make sure I ruin his gameplay experience.
I know it's stupid and petty, but sometimes it just feels so good to be so stupid like that. Unfortunately, I probably just e-bullied a bunch of kids. :X