Sunday, October 9, 2011

Another writing of the past: Stages of Growth

Just like a previous entry I am sharing with you another writing I did back in high school. It was for the same class with the same bitch of a teacher. The topic was "3 Stages of Growth" where we had to write about occurrences in out lives we felt made us grow. Being the negative person I was, I wrote about moments that pissed me off that caused me to close myself to others.

Just like the last entry, I didn't change anything, so the bad sentence structures, typos, and opinions were that of my 17-year old self. This does not necessarily reflect my current opinions or way of thinking (though certainly was a bit of a basis on how I became today)


There are times in your life that you experience tremendous moments that make you feel changed or become stronger. Sometimes it is for the better, other times for the worse. We all hope its for the better, but I can tell you for a fact, that is not true. Events are going to happen, and you’re going to have to make decisions. With your good decisions, you’ll get through mostly unharmed, and with your bad decisions you learn from the mistake made. Well, hopefully you will anyway. I’ve experienced quite a mix of decisions that changed me and made me stronger, or possibly weaker. Each paragraph shows different times I have learned something and start on as a story of its own. Try not to get lost.  
When I was in elementary school, I started out happy and bubbly. Always wanting to make friends, trusting anyone, it was no big deal to tell anyone anything. When I hit middle school, things changed. People became gossipers and I learned the hard way you can’t tell everyone everything. There was one time in my art class I told this guy how I used to have a best friend in elementary school, but then we became enemies. I told him how in elementary I started out pretty popular and everyone liked me until fourth grade when my “friend” stopped talking to me. He became popular and I had a bad end of insults constantly thrown at me with no one ever defending me. This person was also in that art class, but was on the other side of the room. This guy absorbed it and said, “Well, that sucks.” Then my ex-friend was coming over for markers or something and the guy says,”Hey! This kid is whining how you made him unpopular and how you used to be friends.” So the guy betrayed me, and embarrassed me. I started to stop talking so openly after that. I figured only some people will be jerks and other can be kind. Later I found I was wrong still. Through out middle school was horrible and I kept becoming betrayed to a point I stopped socializing with people. People mocked me more, but I held up. In high school, things started to become better. People that were jerks still were, but they were jerks only in their classes and didn’t bother me as much. So I became a little more trusting. I even started becoming closer with my sister since she could drive. We always were sent out for fast food, grocery shopping, Christmas tree finding, and the like, so we became closer. During the summer of my sophomore year, I discovered this great online thing called “Livejournal” and I posted my emotions and feeling into it. Well one summer morning I wake and find my sister logged onto my livejournal reading everything. I was furious. I couldn’t believe someone in my own family had to spy on me. That hit a big point to me where I shouldn’t trust anyone. It taught me if you put too much trust in one person, you’re building up for a bigger and more painful fall. Now, I have the strictest test I give people before I even THINK of telling them anything personal.  I’ve been hurt too much in the past, and I hold grudges. If you made my life painful, I’m going to treat you as I would a pesky fly in my room.

There’s this girl I knew since middle school that I still know to this day in high school. She has quite a good amount of friends, pretty, and is smart. However, she constantly complains about things not going her way and how all the bad things happen to her. She isn’t little miss perfect either. She is two faced; she talks behind the backs of the people she “cares” for. I used to not think the quote, “What goes around comes around” was just BS. However, it turns out its pretty true, and this girl was living proof. She cheated on one of her boyfriends and then made it sound like he did these horrible things that caused her to do it. 3 months later, she finds out she has this disease called hypoglycemia. Sugar is bad for her now and her favorite foods intake was greatly reduced in number. Another time I had to walk home late at night from the mall since I couldn’t get a ride home. I was scared, and wanted to talk to someone while I walked so I wouldn’t feel afraid. I called her and asked her, she told me that she was busy with her boyfriend and can’t talk. I told her how much it would mean to me if she could just talk to me for 5 minutes but she didn’t care and hung up on me. A month later she had a mental breakdown. Many other occasions have gotten her into a state of seeking attention and very mentally screwed. She’s in many bad relationships, but refuses to let go of her cold hearted ways. With that, I found that the quote is true; what goes around indeed does come around.

My sister has a problem with money: she can’t help spending it! One year, she had gotten really deep in her money debts, but wouldn’t tell anyone. A lot of her things started getting shut off, there were phone calls coming on her home line all the time demanding for money until her home line got turned off. When we tried calling her home line one time, we heard the voice recording that said this number was disconnected and we asked questions. She said the phone company must be having problems or something. That would’ve worked if the her home line and the house’s main line weren’t from the same company. Finally, my mother found one of my sister’s bills, and that was when she confronted my sister about it all. She cried on saying she couldn’t help it and was having a hard time dealing with it all. So my parents paid her bills off and told her that she’ll have to give them some money from her paycheck each paycheck to pay it off. She agreed, saying she can probably get organized now. To this day she has not paid them back. They remind her and remind her, but she says, “Oh not this week, I don’t have much money.” The sad thing is she is using so much money she has to dedicate most of her paycheck to paying off other bills she says she doesn’t have. She’s heading toward a direction of incredible debt, but just wants to have a good time. I tried changing her and teaching her to be responsible about her money like I am. She started to get it, but she didn’t like the fact she could not go out all the time just to save money, and quit that. I tried several other times with different ideas, but she just doesn’t seem to want to. If she could only get herself organized, face reality and start focusing on her bills already. I pretty much given up since she refuses to change. From this, I learned that you can’t change anyone but yourself. You can show people the path, its their choice if they want to take it or not though.

These three things made impact on my life. I stopped trusting a lot of people to keep my safety intact. Anything I tell people is usually things that wouldn’t matter getting out, or something I trust with them that isn’t TOO important. However, I’m going to be nice to those who are nice to me. Bad karma can prove to be a dangerous thing, and I rather not chance that. Finally, if someone decides not to take my advice, I tend to leave them on their own unless they ask for it. No point advising someone that won’t listen.

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